5 tips for new dads
The transition to being a parent is a huge one – no minimizing that fact! Whether you are a first time dad or you’ve been through the process before, you will still experience a profound shift in your life. It’s normal to experience uncertainty and a mix of big feelings – joy and excitement, but also sadness, disappointment and anger are common too. As a father or non-birthing partner, here are some tips to help you navigate this time in your life:
1. Your primary job should be taking care of the new mother. New moms typically are focused on the baby and will naturally often be holding, feeding, or taking care of baby’s needs, but someone needs to think about her needs. Get her plenty of water, food, make sure she’s sleeping (minimum 4 hour stretches at night), showering, and getting some alone/personal time to relax.
2. Get good at feeding (or assisting breastfeeding), as well as swaddling, burping, changing, and putting the baby to sleep. Just because mom does these things doesn’t mean she should be left alone with these duties. Even if mom is exclusively breastfeeding, learn how to assist with giving her the baby and then taking baby again, especially at night time. Maternal gatekeeping is real and it hurts everyone.
3. Be the point person – communicate between friends and family, household tasks, pets, other kids, etc – you are now the anointed one in charge so that mom can rest and not overwhelm herself trying to deal with those tasks on top of all the new changes she’s experiencing physically & emotionally.
4. On that note, be the boundary setter for your partner and you, too. This means it’s your job to let people know “we need some time to adjust before we’re ready to have you over” or “please come over, and can you bring a meal or help with some household chores too?" It's your job to discuss with your partner how much (or little) you both want to hear from other people right now and then enforce those boundaries.
5. Take care of your own mental health too! At least 1 in 10 dads may experience postpartum depression, anxiety, or PTSD. You also need to rest and feel supported as you go through this major life change. Do you have a good group of dad friends you can talk to about difficulties? If not, you can join a dad’s group. Do you have/need mental health support? Some therapists specialize in working with dads and non-birthing partners around the unique issues that can come up during this time. You and your partner can learn to prioritize time to take care of yourselves, both individually and as a new family!