The essential postpartum plan you might be forgetting
After the birth of my second child, I remember thinking I had done a good job preparing for the postpartum period ahead. I had made a plan about childcare for my older kid and pet care for our dog. I knew that being prepared to take care of myself was important, so I hired a postpartum doula to bring nourishing soups and cleared my schedule for the first few weeks.
A few nights in, I remember getting up for what felt like the tenth time that night, head spinning, body aching, and feeling resentment toward my partner blissfully sleeping away. Even when we took turns with night feedings and changes, I would wake up for every feeding because I was so sensitively attuned to every sound my baby made. Any movement or sound from the bassinet sent me into alertness and sometimes made it difficult to return to sleep. Previously, I had been a good sleeper and was almost always able to sleep through the night without issue. Most parents know to expect poor sleep when a new baby comes, but what you might not know is that prolonged poor sleep often lead to anxiety, depression, weakened immune system, memory loss and more.
Fascinating recent research on brain changes during motherhood have shown that during pregnancy, the brain essentially restructures itself to be better prepared for the demands of being a mother. These alterations help the mother to be more sensitive and effective caretakers, who are less affected by stress and more attuned to the needs of the child. In her recent book, Mother Brain, Chelsea Conaboy describes more about these maternal changes. These changes also means that your senses become more attuned to the baby – which is where nighttime sleep becomes even more of a sleep loss issue for new moms and birthing parents. The fact is, sleep loss is hard for both parents, but new moms may be even more attuned to their babies and find it more difficult to get good sleep when they do rest.
So what can you do?
Make a sleep plan with your partner. If you don’t have a partner, do you have a friend, family member, or other resource? Maybe you can hire a night nurse. The simplest rule of thumb is this: figure out how to get at least 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, minimum. This might mean taking shifts with your partner or other helper, and even sleeping in another room, with earplugs and a white noise machine. This advice often makes my patients recoil but they usually come around after realizing they really need to sleep. Your job is to do what it takes to get at least four solid hours of sleep, as often as possible. Personally, I found that an eye mask, earplugs, and sound machine were my best friends. Others spend their sleep shift in a guest bedroom or even on the couch – just make sure you are comfortable and allow yourself to trust that the “on shift” adult will take care of baby while you sleep. I promise you will notice a difference!